Real Life Q&A with Camy Tang

February 2004

Q: I went to a Christian rock concert, and hung out with two girls who are good at the giggly, ditzy act. The boys noticed and talked to my friends, but not so much to me. How can I feel good about myself without stooping to the ditz routine to attract attention?

A: You can trust God to bring the right guy to you, without acting like someone you're not to gain more attention.

If you don't like, say, iguanas, but you pretend that you do, then guys who like iguanas will be attracted to you. But do you really want to attract guys who like iguanas? Say you want to attract guys who like dogs. So you are your dog-loving self, and eventually you will attract guys who like dogs.

Those girls act like ditzes, so they attract guys who like ditzes. If you love Christ, you act like your Christ-loving self, and eventually you will attract guys who also love Christ.

Your identity:
Ultimately, your confidence and identity is in Christ, not in what those boys think of you. I heard this somewhere: Your self esteem is based, not on what others think of you, but what YOU THINK the most important person in your life thinks of you. If you believe that the most important people in your life--say, your friends--think you're fat, then your self esteem will plummet because you believe you don't measure up, EVEN IF in reality, they think you're perfect. This is the problem with some anorexic girls.

The key to this is to change who the most important person in your life is. Your secular friends? Your Christian friends? Your family? Or GOD?

God thinks you're His wonderful child. You're covered with the blood of Christ and you're absolutely PERFECT. If God is the most important person in your life, then your self esteem will be just fine.

How to put God first:
How do you make God the most important person in your life? Unfortunately, it doesn't happen overnight. But it will happen if you persevere in seeking Him more:

--Reading the Bible everyday, to learn more about God and learn how to love Him more. If you drive a car, you need to gas it up. Bible reading is like gassing up your Spiritual car.

--Going to church on Sunday, for accountability from your church family to help you be faithful to God. The church is Christ's body, with everyone having a function and a part. The hand can't say, "I don't need this, I'm not participating anymore." Find your own niche in your church--figure out where you can serve Christ.

--Going to Youth Group or having a small Bible Study group, to get even more in depth in God's Word, and to develop prayer and accountability partners. Remember that Spiritual car? It's no use having a car if it just sits in the garage or the driveway. You have to take it places--visiting friends, going on vacation, getting things you need from the store. Prayer takes you places--praying for others, thanking God for His blessings on you, asking for help.

Sum up:
What kinds of guys do you want to attract? And exactly who is the person they'd be attracted to? Will your self esteem stand tall, because God's love and support sustains you? Who is the most important person in your life?