A Grudge Free Existence by Casey Manes

“Uh! I can’t believe I let it happen again!”

I cannot count the number of times I’ve said those words to myself about something I really had no control over. . . being hurt. Not the kind like stubbing a toe or plucking pesky eyebrows, but the kind that is sometimes even worse, emotional hurt. Like when parents divorce, that great guy says he wants to be “just friends,” or a best pal breaks your trust.

Forgiveness is something I use to think I could withhold from people so that I could make them suffer. By not forgiving, I believed the lie that I was being victorious over all the pain. Jesus said in Ephesians 4:32 to “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Here are a few things to remember about forgiveness.

1. Forgiveness is not saying that the hurt done to you was okay.

It is letting go and choosing to no longer hold it against the wrongdoer.

When I was in high school, my parents separated. They said things to each other that hurt me. Years later, my dad apologized to me, asking for my forgiveness. I withheld it for months, hoping it would cause him to hurt like I had. I thought forgiving him would mean that it was alright how he had hurt and disappointed me. God helped me see that it wasn’t okay what had happened, but I had a choice to no longer hold onto it in anger.

2. Forgiveness is not about feelings.

Okay, let’s face it girls—God made us special, complete with lots of emotions! There are times I let my emotions jerk me around, but when God said to “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” in Colossians 3:13b, He didn’t say, when you feel like it! Holding a grudge sometimes feels great, but choosing to not forgive can lead to lost friendships, and to turning your back on God. Think for a moment of all that your Heavenly Father has forgiven you for, and plunge through the feelings in faith.

3. Forgiveness is not done in human strength.

Yes! It’s the amazing truth! God tells his children to forgive each other and He provides the power. Corrie ten Boom, a survivor of a Nazi concentration camp, was asked for forgiveness by the soldier that contributed to her sister’s death. She knew she could not do it, she could not forgive such a horrible hurt. She said she “Prayed to God and said, ‘Lord, You must forgive through me, because I cannot.’” A peace overwhelmed her, and in God’s might, she forgave the man.

Forgiveness is an opportunity to grow closer in your relationships with those around you, and with God. It is a chance to extend to someone else what God has so amazingly given you. He will provide all the strength and faith you need at just the right time.