March 2005
Q: I have a friend who says she’s a Christian, but she doesn’t do very Christian things. I talked with her about it and she says she wants to change, but then she does the same things. It’s very frustrating and I don’t know how to be a friend to her.
A: You’re being a friend by talking with her about it in the first place. That must have been difficult, and God loves your care and concern for your friend.
How she chooses to respond, however, is not your responsibility. You can’t make her change, you can’t make her listen to you, you can’t make her do anything.
It’s like this story I heard:
At a bazaar, a farmer had a flock of quails he was trying to sell. He tied the quails to a pole (don’t ask me how) and stuck the pole in the ground. The quails flew in circles, unable to get free from the pole.
A merchant went up to the farmer and said, “I’ll pay you for the entire flock of quails.”
The ecstatic farmer blurted out as high a price as he dared.
The merchant immediately agreed and handed over the money. “Now, untie them.”
“What do you mean?”
“Untie the birds. Set the quails free. It’s sad to watch them circling like that.”
So the farmer untied all the quails.
But the quails kept circling around the pole. They were so used to it, they didn’t know any other way to fly.
The merchant tried chasing them away from the pole. The quails flew off and landed some distance away. Then they continued circling in the new area.
Old habits die hard. Your friend has to decide to change her behavior--to commit to trying, to make it a priority, to seek God for help and guidance, to trust Him to be the One creating the change in her, to be aware of what she does.
God may have set her free, but she has to be the one to choose to stop circling.
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