Back-to-school-itis by Cheryl Wyatt

There's a great epidemic sweeping our nation. Millions upon millions of teens are being stricken with it as we speak. In fact, every seven minutes, someone dyes because of it. Um...I meant their hair. Though not a matter of life or death, this end of summer plague strikes every year and can affect our emotional well-being to the point that we can't even enjoy that shopping spree for new school clothes.

What's it called?

BACKTOSCHOOLITIS.

Symptoms range from hand tremors, to obsessive thoughts about the 5.2 pounds you gained over summer, to compulsive worry over who's going to like you and who's not. Or maybe it manifests in the form of overwhelming fear that you won't be able to find the right class, or that you'll trip down the stairs with all your books sprawled around you in front of the cutest guy in school. Well don't worry, if you're like me, you don't fall down stairs...just up them. But if you're lucky, maybe that guy will drop to his knees and proclaim his everdying love......uh, no. Wait. Back the truck up. That was supposed to go "proclaim his UNdying love.......for your glitter gel pens and awesome purple backpack. If he doesn't, you don't need him anyway. Soon, the OTHER cutest guy in school will be pining and pawing over your brand new backpack.

As that first day of school draws near, BACKTOSCHOOLITIS's symptoms may increase or subside some as excitement over getting to see your friends again sets in as well as realizing you're about to be freed from the wretched chains of summer boredom. A boredom you were silenced to secrecy over lest mom or dad find you "something to do" which often included such torture as mowing the lawn, cleaning your dirty room (dirty room? What dirty room? I didn't see any dirty room), or worse, scrubbing the bathroom baseboards with a toothbrush. Yick.

So as you roll out of bed at oh-dark thirty in order to make it to that first day of class in time, remember 97% of your class is feeling the exact same way. It was an epidemic, remember?

Oh, and at the lunch table, as you sit there getting hurt feelings because the person next to you hasn't spoken a word, or you chew the cafeteria food that you swear is last year's leftovers, wondering if that person is ever going to smile or say hello, consider this: they're probably wondering the same thing about you. A smile and friendly "Hi, how was your summer?" will do wonders to combat and cure this uncomfortable ailment.