Real Life Q&A with Camy Tang

August 2006

Q: I just got into this huge fight with my girl/boyfriend and now I don't know what to do. I thought Christians weren't supposed to fight with each other!

A: You know what? Conflicts happen whether you're Christian or not. It's just human nature. So congrats, you're normal.

Remember Paul and Barnabas, missionaries extraordinaire? They had a massive fight. In Acts 15, they got into a terrible disagreement and parted ways.

Now, these are two pillars of the church! I'm sure their disagreement caused some damage to the church morale, but they handled things in a godly manner. And you can, too.

First off, take some time to COOL off. It doesn't matter who was right and who was wrong--get yourself into a better place emotionally before you do anything. If you have to seek out an adult counselor, pastor, or youth leader, then go ahead and vent.

It's not always good to vent to a peer who might just fire up your sense of indignation--that's not going to help anyone. Pick an adult and tell them upfront, "Hey, I just need someone to listen to me vent. Are you okay with that?"

Second, pray. And I mean more than the kind that bounce off the ceiling. Really get intimate with God. Complain, rage, cry, whatever--pour it out to Him. He can take it.

And once you've duked it out with Him, once your heart is quieter, try to align yourself back with God.

It won't be easy. It might take some time. But ultimately, you want to reaffirm your commitment to Him and your trust that HE'S the one in charge of your life, HE'S the one who can take care of everything.

Next, sincerely ask God to show you if you might have been wrong.

This is pretty tough, too. No one likes to admit they were in error. It's like admitting you've got a hole in the head. But God responds to and rewards your humility. The key is to be willing to hear the truth from Him if you WERE wrong.

Get other people to pray for you. Nothing like a powerful prayer cover to help you along.

And lastly, reconcile with the person. They may not want to even talk to you, but be patient. Even if they never forgive you, if you forgive them, you're all right with God, and He's more important than any other person in your life.

After any break-up--girlfriends, guy friends, a romantic relationship--there's always the temptation to leave God, too. DON'T. How are you going to make it in the world without Him? That person is not worth your relationship with God, because your relationship with Jesus should be a higher priority. If it's not, now's a great time to make it that top priority.

Paul and Barnabas parted ways, but they still both continued on their own missionary journeys, and the church still continued to grow. You are as strong as Paul or Barnabas, because the same Holy Spirit that was in them lives in you today.

Do you have a question for Camy? E-mail us!