Real Life Q&A ~ Dealing with the Cold Shoulder Treatment

Q: I have a friend who suddenly started giving me the cold shoulder. What’s up with that? What do I do now?

A: First of all, I sympathize with you. That’s really tough and it hurts.

However, this is the time to be brave and loving at the same time. You’ll need to talk to her to find out what’s up.

Friendships are built on communication, and you don’t have a friendship if the two of you don’t communicate with each other. Communication is hard, and you’ll need to be strong and rely on Jesus.

Start off with prayer. Be completely honest with yourself and with God. Do you know of anything you might have done or said, whether intentional or totally innocent? Lay yourself open to Jesus and ask Him to show you anything you might have overlooked.

You want your conscience clear before God (Acts 24:16). You also want God to let you know if there’s something you need to deal with or confess.

Search me, God, and know my heart;test me and know my anxious thoughts.See if there is any offensive way in me,and lead me in the way everlasting.Psalm 139: 23-24 (TNIV)

Give the situation up to God—He’s in charge, remember. Give yourself to Him, too—ask Him to help you remain calm and loving and strong, no matter what happens.

If you have other friends or family who know about the situation, ask them to pray for you, too.Be calm when you approach her. Things might get emotional into the conversation, but you need to start off with a cool head.

Sometimes it helps to write down what you want to say. That way you can see it on paper and read it back to yourself. You can also make sure you say exactly what you want to say.

Approach her with the attitude of, "I’ve been feeling like things are strained between us, and I wanted to know if there was something that happened to cause this." Open the lines of communication.

Try to avoid anything that sounds like an accusation, because that will make her defensive and uncommunicative. Avoid using the word "you."

Explain to her how you yourself have been feeling. Use a lot of "I" phrases. "I was wondering…" "I’ve been feeling…" "I feel like…"

If she won’t communicate with you, then show you’re the bigger person. Be polite and walk away. Don’t argue, don’t get emotional (well, try not to get emotional). Be nice and loving no matter what happens.

And then give it up to God. He’s in charge. He knows which friends you need. He loves you and only has your best interests at heart. He has a plan for you and is molding you for His purposes. He wants you to have joy in a life in Him.