Real Life Q&A with Camy Tang

October 2005

Q: My good friend just told me she's lesbian. What do I do? How do I act around her?

A: Regardless of how you feel about the choices your friends make, Jesus wants you to love them as He would love them. Remember, she's still your friend even if you don't agree with the choices she makes about her own life.

There might be a bit of awkwardness now in the casual hugs and touches that you normally give to a girl-friend. And if she's told you but not anyone else, that might make things difficult when you're all hanging out together.

First of all, pray for God's guidance and His words coming out of your mouth.

Try to be upfront but loving to her. Take her aside privately and let her know that you still love her, but you're feeling awkward. Then ask her what she'd prefer you to do, how she'd want you to act. Or if you're uncomfortable being as physical with her, tell her honestly but lovingly.

She could respond well, or she could respond badly. If you're as loving as you can be, but she wigs out on you, there might be other issues she's dealing with besides her sexual orientation. Be patient, seek God's guidance in what to say and how to act. Remember to try to respond as Jesus would have in the same situation.

A tough issue is if your friend outright asks how your faith feels about her homosexuality. Don't lie to her, but be tactful and loving about it. All sin is sin, whether it's a "white" lie or murder. It's all unholiness, and God can't stand any of it because He's absolutely perfect. He loves you, He loves your friend, but He DOESN'T love either of your sins.

Be aware that your friend might also be just picking a fight because of her own inner conflict with her homosexuality. Ask for God's help to be discerning, patient and loving about it. It's never nice when you lose a friend, but you need to love Christ more than the people around you. You need to trust that God has both you and your friend in His hands.

No matter where the conversation goes, don't get sidetracked by arguments and objections. Remember to keep bringing the conversation back to Christ--to the salvation and love and freedom you have in Jesus. Keep bringing it back to the gospel. That's the core of everything you believe in. Pray and trust that God's Holy Spirit moving in you and in her will do the rest.